Marriage/Future Marriages 101
I’m no expert or perfect husband, or have the perfect marriage, but here are some things that I have learned through reading Gods word reference marriage, and my 13 year experience, that have been beneficial for me and my wife, that I believe other married couples and future marriages could benefit from as well.
A wife in conversation with her husband explains to him the issues she has been dealing with at work that have caused her stress.
The husband listens and after listening begins to explain to her how to fix the situation.
The wife is feeling (upset because she wasn’t looking for him to fix her problem, she was only looking for her to listen.
The husband is feeling, confused that his wife is upset, because he was only trying to
help. (He loves her and don’t want anyone to hurt her). This is a common issue that goes on everyday in marriages. The only way to fix this issue is for the wife and husband to understand how they each were designed by God.
Wives-Husbands were designed to be leaders. *(becoming one or not is up to them)* they were designed to be very task orientated and fixers. When this happens, take a moment to truly understand the true intent behind his response. He loves you and wants to release any pain or discomfort you may be experiencing.
Husbands-Your wives just want to be listened to. She is a big girl and can take care of issues herself. She was designed to communicate and express her feelings without you trying to fix them. So if she gets upset, understand her and try to understand were she is coming from.
So how do you fix this situation? When your wife comes to you with a problem, ask her what she is looking for input before you give it. Wives if you do ask for his input, listen to what he has to say, taking it as an expression of love and concern with what you dealing with. Marriages today are struggle big time and most of the time it’s the little things that turn into a big thing. You may have a husband you fail to or refuse to communicate with their wife, and because of that she feels unloved or uncared for or unappreciated so she rejects him and his advances for intimacy, thinking that is going to get him to communicate. (Wives, that will never work). The husband, since he is getting rejected, so he won’t communicate. (Husbands, that will never work). In both cases no one wins, everyone loses. So how do you overcome that issue? (Husbands), if you communicate with your wives, and validate her feelings, you will have no problem with her respecting you, and having intimacy. (Wives) If you show your husband that your on his team and respecting him and being intimate with him, you will have no problem with him listening to you and being in conversation with you.
NOW HUSBANDS and FUTURE HUSBANDS, I’m going to give you the BIGGEST SECRET EVER that I found out sometime ago myself. It’s up to you to determine how much you truly want to get a better understanding, of how she was designed not by choice, but by God. I call this secret The 28 Day Rule. With in that time frame you will have to do your own investigations on what weeks are which. There is one week were your wife, will or may feel tired, irritable and a couple days later very upbeat and chatty. (Not her fault, just the way God designed her so when you encounter that, your view will change and you will be equipped to understand her that week. There is a week were, she will or may look totally attractive to you when you look at her and she may be very flirty, and more adventurous more social, and that week is the week you walk up and give her a big hug and kiss that she probably will not reject. (This is not her fault it how she was created). There is another week were she will or may revert back to being irritable and just want to cuddle up and watch a movie with you. She may ask you how she looks because she feels bloated and she may even forget what you might have said, because her memory is not as sharp this week. (Not her fault it was how she was designed.) Last- There will or maybe a week were she have headaches, migraines and body aches and be tired. She may become a little flirtier again this week at the same time. (This is not her fault, it’s the way God designed her.) I believe if you understand this rule, (The Best Kept Secret A Lot Of Husbands Don’t Know, The 28 Day Rule) you will begin to look at your wife in a different way, and appreciate her a little more, understanding the way she is designed, you won’t look at it as nit picking anymore.
NOW WIVES and FUTURE WIVES, you don’t get off easy either. This is something you may have never truly known about your husband and the way he was designed, by God that may help you understand him better. This is called (The 24 Hour Rule). Men have 10 times more testosterone than women, so our mood is usually all about how our testosterone affects us. A man’s body does make estrogen and progesterone like a woman’s body, though in much smaller amounts.
So, what’s a man’s 24-Hour Rule look like? His testosterone is highest in the morning when he wakes up and gets lower and lower as the day goes on.
Here’s some of what you can expect throughout his day:
Morning: Testosterone is highest
His hormone horoscope: He’s at his most energetic, talkative, aggressive, focused, competitive, independent, impulsive and confident. He also may be antsy or quick to anger and is more likely to say “no” to a favor or request for something you want, like a raise. His virility is at its peak. So is his ability to read maps and do spatial thinking.
Best time to… Have him put together a piece of furniture or fix a shelf, have him compete in a contest, give him a project to do solo, figure out the best driving route and initiate passionate intimacy with him. (This is not his fault, just the way God designed him)
Afternoon: Testosterone is in the middle of its cycle
His mood: He’s a tad mellower than his morning self, but isn’t going on empty just yet. As a result, he’s still upbeat, driven and focused, but not as quick to anger. He’s more open to working with others rather than going solo. You’ll also catch him smiling more now than in the morning. (This is not his fault, just the way God designed him)
Best time to… Invite him to work as part of a team, have him talk to or pitch clients or customers, brainstorm ideas with him.
Evening: Testosterone is lowest
His mood: He’s more passive, agreeable and low-key. He may feel tired or fuzzy. His drive hits its lowest point. For some men, this low point is still quite high, for some it’s low making him tired. (This is not his fault, just the way God designed him)
Best time to… Ask him for a favor, request a raise, and get him to agree to the pink living room curtains or pose any other question that you need a “yes” to. He’ll be more likely to give in now than in the earlier hours of the day.
(The exceptions): A man’s testosterone is affected by things he does. For instance, his testosterone level rises when he drinks alcohol or caffeine, sees an action movie, plays video games or competes in or anticipates a sports game or game of chess. His testosterone also rises when he simply watches his favorite team compete. While his testosterone stays high if his team wins, it plunges if his team loses, making him feel blue, cranky or lethargic. (Wives and future wives, it’s ok to write the 24 Hour Rule down)!!!
The true key to every successful marriage is putting God first. Marriage was designed as a life long process; the more spouses try to learn how to understand one another. The better their marriage will be!!!